If you are reading this then congratulations are in order. You have successfully survived all of the booby traps, answered every riddle correctly, and deftly identified the celebrity word jumble (Khkeelt Smurgram= Kelsey Grammar). I regret to say that I can’t trust any of my family members so I devised these tests as a way to ensure that only the bravest, wisest, and most pure of heart would inherit my fortune. That indomitable person is you my friend and I am very proud to pass my fortune onto you. Unless of course, the person reading this is really evil and just forced someone really pure of heart to do all the dirty work for them so they could grab all the gold and rubies for themselves. Shit. I didn’t even think about that. Okay, I’m realizing we are going to have to work on the honor system here. If you are just some evil villainous type who followed a bunch of goodhearted kids here or forced an idealistic adventurer to do all the tests for you, than this is not your treasure. I repeat: This stuff is not for you because you are evil. Turn around and go back because my fortune is not for you.
Um, or better yet: Just look at all this gold, huh! There are so many greedy things you could do with all of it, like build a huge statue of yourself or adopt a baby from a third world country for the publicity. Oh man, it’s going to be nothing but babes, drugs, and power! So at this point, hopefully you guys have been so consumed by your own greed that you’ve done something really destructive, like all shot each other at the same time or set off some kind of “Greed Trap.” That’s what I should have done! A Greed Trap! Sometimes I just have to talk these things out. It could be a big golden one hundred dollar bill with a diamond iPhone in it and when you grab for it you fall down a hole or something. Woulda, coulda, shoulda, right! Well, hopefully this at least distracted the bad guys long enough for the good guys to create some kind of escape plan. Good luck saving the local arcade or whatever noble thing you guys are doing.