So here’s your problem: you’ve haven’t had your oil changed in over a year so it’s causing your engine to have to work extra hard without any of the proper lubrication. On top of that it looks like your battery is ready to collapse because you are working it so hard in the winter months without giving it anytime to warm up. Plus your fan belt is thinner than an old pair of slacks due to all those extra trips picking up the kids every weekend from your ex-wife’s house. A woman you’d still be with if you would just admit you were wrong and say you’re sorry. But no, you think she should apologize to you because
“she had no business looking at your internet history.” It’s not all your fault, after all, you never heard your father apologize to anyone, so why would you? But then again, didn’t you always say you wanted to be the opposite of your father? Now it seems you’ve become a mirror image of him. It’s funny how we always seem to hate the thing that reminds us of ourselves. Like how much you claim to dislike insecure people, even though you yourself are very insecure. Or how you’re always saying you detest The Dave Matthews Band and yet you find yourself humming their songs whenever you’re alone. In fact you’ve even entertained the idea of starting your own tribute band with a clever name like The Dave Matthews’ Twin Brother Brandon’s Band. But you decided a long time ago that it was your older brother who had all the musical talent. Instead you’ve always just quietly wished you were him. That’s your problem: You spend all your time making rules for your life instead of just living it. That and the power valve in your carburetor looks like it’s going to blow any second. Yeah, that’s your problem.