I’ve made a horrible mistake! I just accidentally signed up for a yearlong subscription to BUTTMAN MAGAZINE. I had no idea, but the magazine is literally full of pictures of women’s butts! See, I thought I was subscribing to the comic book adventures of my favorite superhero Butt Man. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Everytime Butt Man solves a crime, he leaves a cigarette butt so the police know it was him. Granted, he usually solves the crime in the first three pages and then spends the rest of the issue gawking at huge butts, but still! This is not what I had in mind! And to top things off, I had the subscription shipped to my work! Which I guess isn’t that big of a deal considering I work in a porn shop that is one of the primary distributors for Buttman Magazine, but still! I don’t want them to think I’m some sort of deviant.
So now every time a copy of Buttman shows up, I’m gonna have to make up some sort of excuse so they won’t think I’m a weirdo, like “Sorry guys, but I really get off to women’s butts,” or “Brutha just loves a good butt!” or “Does it really surprise you guys that much considering I’ve made you refer to me as Buttman Dan for the last six years?”
“Dammit, Butt Man! What makes you think you’re above the law?!”