Are you ready to rock? Because we sure are! We are SWORDFORCE: a rock and roll band that’s ready to turn NYC on it’s head. You might remember our previous incarnation: CANDLEFIGHT. We decided to go in a new direction and thus gave ourselves a new name. We’ve been rehearsing for several months and are ready to make our triumphant re-entry into the world of professional rock music. All we need now is a drummer and that’s where you come in (provided you play drums). We are looking for a serious musician who is interested in becoming a major international rock and roll star. If you don’t want to be famous, don’t bother auditioning. If you don’t want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone, then please just stop reading. If you don’t like tons of pussy in your face all the time, then please just stay home (unless you’re gay, in which case that’s totally cool man and we totally get it.  SWORDFORCE is an equal opportunity rock entity and will not discriminate. We are sure there will be tons of homosexual penises in your face too). Ready to change your life forever? Then please, take a seat! Or should we say stool. A drummer’s stool!

We are heavily influenced by Led Zeppelin, Motorhead, the Clash, the Who, the Catcher in the Rye, the Great Gatsby, and Frankenstein (the doctor, not the monster).

We are not influenced by Genesis, Peter Gabriel or Phil Collins. We’re not sure who keeps saying that we sound like Genesis because we don’t. Just because our drummer happens to sing doesn’t make us Genesis.  Which reminds me, you have to be able to play drums and sing at the same time because SWORDFORCE is one of those kinds of bands whose drummer is also their lead singer, kind of like Genesis. However if someone asks, we are nothing like Genesis.

Upon arrival to the audition please bring your own drum kit and mic with amp. Be ready for the unexpected. We will be testing you on your musical skills first and formost. Second, we will test how cool you are through a series of questions involving some of our favorite inside jokes. If you think they’re funny, you’re in. However, we might throw in some decoys, so be careful what you laugh at. Thirdly, we’ll be seeing how you work with children. We will leave you with Dan’s girlfriend’s kid while we go check out this party in Queens. We probably won’t be back until late but don’t worry, there’s plenty of formula in the fridge, and if he starts to cry just read him one of the Kuzzle Bear books. He loves those. Well, I think that’s it. You’re welcome to anything in the fridge and we just got a flat screen tv, so have fun with that. We’ll call you just to check in but our number’s on the baby if you need to contact us.  Alright, let’s see what you got!.


4 responses to “DRUMMER WANTED!!!

  1. If your serios, e-mail me back. I would be willing to make the trip from MN, but a little difficult to haul drums and gear that far on a whim.

  2. hey i like how your band does stuff. sounds pretty cool. im a drummer myself so if you still need a drummer im hear so email or something.

  3. hey this is chris piazza. i live in smithtown, long island i am very interested in you advertisement. i enjoy all the bands listed and more. i focus on classic rock but will play whatever is asked. i have recorded with many professional drummers such as those from meatloaf, blue oyster cult, etc. please e mail me if you are in need of a drummer.

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