I don’t know about you guys, but I have had it up to HERE with Netflix! First you have to wait for the disc to show up, then it ends up being scratched and you have to wait for it all over again! And I just can’t take it anymore!
So that’s why I’m offering a new video service called NATE-Flix for the low price of FREE.99 a month! (to be clear, that’s $3.99 a month, but I felt it necessary to phonetically type out my speech impediment)
Here’s how it works: I’ve got a collection of about 14 DVDs and a handful of unlabeled VHS tapes (FYI – most of them are probably Skin-a-max!!!$$$). You call me up when you want to watch a movie, and then I bring one over to your place and we watch it. Unfortunately, I can’t let you pick the movie because sometimes my roommates borrow them and lose them. And sometimes I only feel like watching Return of the King. But because I’m not giving you the option to chose the movie, I am going to give you the option of either having me sit quiet during the film or make wise-cracks throughout the entire thing (examples: “I could’ve read the book in less time than it takes to watch this movie!” or “by the time this movie is over my clothes are gonna go out of style!” or “I could watch the first two Lord of the Rings movies in less time than it takes to watch this one!”) But I encourage you to chose the option where I talk throughout the movie, because I will probably do that anyway. Also, you must supply popcorn and warm milk (1%). No exceptions.
Oh, and the ladies can upgrade to Nate-flix Premium at no extra cost. With this plan, after we finish watching the movie I linger around outside of your door for about two hours. Then when you finally get creeped out and ask me to leave, I’ll ask you if I can borrow money for a cab.
So what are you waiting for? Sign up now before my friends convince me this is a bad idea!