It is on this momentous day in our countries history that we, The Chicago Daily Tribune, must actually print a retraction. Late last night, we made a last minute call and declared that Governor Dewey had defeated President Truman and thus become the United States president elect. We must now retract that announcement. Dewey did not in fact beat Truman last night. As it turns out neither of those men were running for president. Upon further research we found that those guys aren’t even alive anymore because that election was like 80 years ago. The race was actually between Barack Obama and John McClain (which apparently everyone knew about but me and my staff. Sorry but we can’t all owns laser disc players that give us all our news). We feel really dumb about this one. Seriously, I really didn’t want to go back into work today. My kids won’t even look me in the eye. It’s not even like a funny goof, like when you accidently put on your wife’s jacket and everyone laughs. No, this is a bad goof. This is a “things got a little out of hand when we were wrestling and now he’s not breathing anymore” goof. We apologize for our mistake. The article now reads “OBAMA DEFEATS TRUMAN”. And what a defeat it was! Actually my sources are telling me now that this is a historic win because Obama’s running mate, Joe Biden, will now become the very first white vice president in our nation’s history. That’s the news for now. I have to go and pack up my belongings. God Bless America.