You’re not gonna believe this, but I JUST INHERITED GOOGLE. Here’s some background info on how this all happened: My great, great grandfather (William T. Google) was the “original Google.” Way back before the Internet was invented, my great, great grandfather would just stand in the center of town with a box of junk. People would come up to him and be like “Hey, do you have a hammer?” and he’d be like “Did you mean hamber?” (I know, it’s totally rude) Then people would dig through his box, which was mostly filled with porn and ringtones, and eventually find what they were looking for (a hamber).
Long story short, his will was just discovered (via a Google search, no less) and he bequeathed his entire estate to ME, Nate Fernald, which is pretty weird because he died like 100 years before I was even born. And what’s even weirder is that he never had children. But now I own Google and have absolutely no idea what to do with it! To tell you the truth, I own more websites than I can really handle right now. Last year I inherited Yahoo from my other great, great grandfather Michael C. Yahoo. And then I inherited some more websites from my great uncles Chester P. Hotmail, Thomas H. Amazon and Frederick R. BlackSingles.com. Anymore websites and I’m gonna go InterNUTS! So I cashed in all of my stock and did what any reasonable human would do: purchased the rights to The Blue Man Group and Domino’s Pizza’s The Noid. And now this is what my life looks like everyday: