Bottomless

A space pirate like me doesn’t have a very long life expectancy.  We don’t always have a clever way to escape a jam like in the comic books.  Lord Glare had set the perfect trap and I walked right into it. What I thought was your run of the mill strip club called “The Bottomless Pit” turned out to be an actual bottomless pit.   I’ve been falling for six weeks now I think.  I screamed for two days straight before I calmed down and realized that I might be falling for a long time so I best save my energy.  Then I just got bored.   I slept for a while and had that dream again where I show up to work in my underwear.  Why don’t I ever notice that I’m in my underwear on my way to work?  It’s always me getting to work and then being like “Oh, shit! Why didn’t I wear pants?  I stopped and talked to that guy on the street for like three minutes and he didn’t even say anything.  This is not like me!”   It’s a relief to wake up from a terrible dream like that even when you wake up to more falling.  Finally mastered going to the bathroom in mid air though.  The first time I tried it I just got a lot of stuff in my mouth and ended up throwing up a lot.  Getting hungry.  They always leave that part out.  The real enemy  in a bottomless pit is the hunger.   Every once and a while  I’ll pass another person who is also falling.  I try to skip all the polite stuff like “How bout this fall, huh?” and just skip to “ I must eat you to survive!”

So how does one keep a positive attitude when it’s clear that they will be descending into darkness for the rest of their life?  Well,  I don’t let it get me down.  So I got thrown down a bottomless pit, does that mean I have to stop living my life? Of course not,  I still have dreams after all! I’ve always wanted to be a real estate agent and I think there’s some real growth potential here in the bottomless pit (thinking about changing the name to Eternal Meadows.  Just sounds nicer).  Of course I mentioned the idea to another guy who was also falling and now he’s  going to start a real estate business too.   Whatever, competition is a good thing I guess.  I’m hoping to get a Target built here soon so we can attract some families to the bottomless pit and really give this place a neighborhood feel.  I don’t have the ability to pick where I live, but maybe I can help make it a better place.