Cool Runnings Reviews

“Cool Runnings is hot, hot, hot!”

“You’ll be Runnings back to the theater to see this one again!”

“Jamaican me wanna see this movie again!”

“‘Run‘ for the whole family!”

“One Cool film!”

“These are some hilarious Fastafarians!”

“Cool Runnings is Cool Funnings!”

“This film bobsledded its way into my heart.”

“I Want (John) Candy!”

“Cool Runnings will cure any case of the ‘Mon’ days.”

“A Home Runnings!”

Bottomless

A space pirate like me doesn’t have a very long life expectancy.  We don’t always have a clever way to escape a jam like in the comic books.  Lord Glare had set the perfect trap and I walked right into it. What I thought was your run of the mill strip club called “The Bottomless Pit” turned out to be an actual bottomless pit.   I’ve been falling for six weeks now I think.  I screamed for two days straight before I calmed down and realized that I might be falling for a long time so I best save my energy.  Then I just got bored.   I slept for a while and had that dream again where I show up to work in my underwear.  Why don’t I ever notice that I’m in my underwear on my way to work?  It’s always me getting to work and then being like “Oh, shit! Why didn’t I wear pants?  I stopped and talked to that guy on the street for like three minutes and he didn’t even say anything.  This is not like me!”   It’s a relief to wake up from a terrible dream like that even when you wake up to more falling.  Finally mastered going to the bathroom in mid air though.  The first time I tried it I just got a lot of stuff in my mouth and ended up throwing up a lot.  Getting hungry.  They always leave that part out.  The real enemy  in a bottomless pit is the hunger.   Every once and a while  I’ll pass another person who is also falling.  I try to skip all the polite stuff like “How bout this fall, huh?” and just skip to “ I must eat you to survive!”

So how does one keep a positive attitude when it’s clear that they will be descending into darkness for the rest of their life?  Well,  I don’t let it get me down.  So I got thrown down a bottomless pit, does that mean I have to stop living my life? Of course not,  I still have dreams after all! I’ve always wanted to be a real estate agent and I think there’s some real growth potential here in the bottomless pit (thinking about changing the name to Eternal Meadows.  Just sounds nicer).  Of course I mentioned the idea to another guy who was also falling and now he’s  going to start a real estate business too.   Whatever, competition is a good thing I guess.  I’m hoping to get a Target built here soon so we can attract some families to the bottomless pit and really give this place a neighborhood feel.  I don’t have the ability to pick where I live, but maybe I can help make it a better place.

Team Submarine Up In Them Internets

A couple quick things regarding our eventual Internet Takeover. First of, we (and by we I mean Steve) did a brief interview on The Sound of Young America’s blog. Nate couldn’t make it because he was too busy frenching hot babes (typical!) and getting cool haircuts (not so typical!) Read it here.

Also, a little while back we were interviewed on the The Comedy Nerds podcast. Hear that here or search “The Comedy Nerds” on iTunes.

(Artist’s rendition of how these interviews went down)