As you may have noticed by looking at our calendar, the upcoming couple of months are pretty sparse for Team Submarine.  And what better way to change that than with a contest?  Thus we present to you the “Ride The Party Sub Competition.” If there’s one thing Team Submarine is great at doing, it’s not putting up our own shows.  We’re professional openers who have opened up for some of the biggest, funniest and most famous improv and sketch groups in Chicago.  And now YOU can win a chance to headline for Team Submarine. Simply send us an e-mail at teamsubmarine[at]gmail[dot]com with the below questionaire filled out.  We will then carefully skim over some the answers and if you are selected to win, you get to headline for Team Submarine! As the headlining act, you get to:

• Make fliers!
• Bring in an audience!
• Put up money for a performance space that you might not make back!
• Promote the show!
• Be held responsible if the show doesn’t go well!
• Thank us for opening!

This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for us that we do not want you to pass up.  Many will enter, all of you will win (as long as the schedules are not conflicting).  So go ahead and try your luck.  Fill out the questionaire.  Think you’ve got what it takes to Ride The Party Sub?  You do.

1. When will your show be going up?
2. Where will your show be going up?
3. Do you like to fuck?

If you are selected to win, here’s what you get:  Team Submarine will promptly show up at your event/show at least five minutes before showtime.  We will then awkwardly linger in the backstage area awaiting our peformance time.  During our performance, we promise to uknowingly go at least four minutes over the time you alotted us.  After said performance we will watch your show* and tell you afterwards that you did a great job and that we really loved it.  And the best part?  We’ll mean it.

Winners will be notified within a couple business days of e-mailing us.  Please pass this along to your friends.  Good luck!

*This of course depends on our availability.  If we have a show scheduled afterwards that we need to make, or just really feel like watching Robocop, we will instead wish you good luck with your show and make an empty promise that we’ll catch it next time.

A couple of things.  First:  We’ll be performing an almost entirely new show this weekend at the Chicago Sketchfest.  Friday at 8:00 and Saturday at 9:00.  Same show each night.  Details here.

Also, if you’re a reader of Time Out Chicago, you may have noticed a certain article on page 66 in this week’s issue.  If you’re not a reader of Time Out Chicago, you most likely would not have noticed it.  And if that’s the case, you can read it here.  It’s an article we wrote about preparing for Sketchfest.  It also has a picture that shows how ridiculously taller Nate is than Steve.  Despite some editorial battles (they wouldn’t allow a full-frontal picture of Steve tearing out an elk’s lungs with his penis), we’re very pleased with it.   Thanks very much to Steve Heisler and Time Out Chicago.

You can currently buy the issue at places that sell Time Out Chicago.  And feel free to write Time Out and violently demand more articles from us.